December 3rd, 2018

My dear daughter,

I am always thinking about something I decided I must do. It’s usually studies, readings or some life project. 

Nowadays it’s finishing Mathematics graduation and the Python and Data Science online courses I have enrolled. I have also anticipated my efforts to find a good job abroad, because the country’s situation has gone from bad to worse sooner than I thought. 

I have had these constant plans and objectives since I finished law school. Sooner, actually. I remember I used to make a list of things to do every new year, since I was 10 years old.

Most of the time I just get by, trying to focus on present matters, but these thoughts about a future objective are always present in the back of my head.

Even when I was approved for public office here at the Labor Court, and found myself more at ease with my plans, there was some anguish about what to read or study next. I was still thinking about studying to become a labor Judge. I was also learning 3D design and had started building Battlestar Clifford. I wanted to finish it soon, but 6 years later I still haven’t finished it.

Sometimes those concerns become stronger. It has been like this with Mathematics. I love it, but having short deadlines and tests is very demanding. That sort of thing was a great source of stress when I still struggled with OCD, so maybe nowadays I’m just afraid those feelings could return. It’s a little irrational. But every time I wasn’t studying, when I could be studying, since 2014, I have felt this anguish. It was especially bad when I was travelling with your mother. I have brought books and lessons almost every time. Including the time we went to Chile and conceived you.

I had suspended college during your mother’s pregnancy, and went back when you were born. I’m still trying to get the rhythm back. Now that the semester is over, I’m mostly worried about applying for jobs abroad, finishing the programming online courses and finishing the crib mobile I’m building for you with a Raspberry-Pi, led strips and a servo motor. It will be nice if I can finish it by Christmas this year.

Anyway, I have to learn how to deal with these feelings in a more relaxed and rational manner. Sometimes they are very similar to obsessions and I have difficulties splitting my time among other tasks.

Love,

Dad