My dear daughter,
How does it feel to have a daughter?
It is different for the mother and the father and unique to everyone.
I already wanted to have children. Your mother and I had been planning and trying for about six months when we went to a doctor specializing in pregnancy. Then your mother had surgery to have her tubes unobstructed. Four months after she was pregnant.
I knew I had much love to give (and some knowledge to pass on). I tried adopting a dog twice, the first one (Lois) was rejected by my mother and went to live with your uncle’s mother-in-law. The second one (Bolinha) was rejected by your mother (she can explain it better) and went to live with some friends of ours.
Still, from the time Eliane got pregnant, I was worried all the time about her safety and yours. Physically, mentally and financially. I started taking every measure I could think of to make the apartment suitable and safe for you. So we did a lot of work on your bedroom and arranged all the new furniture. I had to paint your dresser, place the cosmos decals on the ceiling, change the wardrobe handlers and wash your cradle every day so the strong new furniture smell would go away. We also got a new washing machine which required us to dismantle and reassemble another wardrobe so it would enter the kitchen.
I had already purchased lots of wardrobe and drawer locks and window retainers. We got the windows covered with safety nets. And I ordered this newly approved device from the USA, it’s a heartbeat and blood oxygenation sensor in the form of baby socks. I had the order delivered to Marcelo in London and he brought it to Brazil.
I tried to be as prepared as I could. I read all I could about caring for a newborn and resumed my karate exercises. Staying fit was just as important.
When your mother’s water broke, I knew I was ready to do whatever was necessary to assure everything went well, and I did. I supported your mother and kept her calm through the entire process and I was ready to take on a 36-hour labor if I had to.
But things went quickly and smoothly. It had to be a c-section, but we had the best doctors and a very good midwife. When your mother went in to be prepared for surgery, they left me waiting in scrubs in a corridor. That was the first time I got nervous, really nervous. At that occasion I had a few moments alone to reflect and realize it was really happening, and everything would be different from that moment onwards. Luckily I was able to trade a few messages with my sister and it meant a lot to know she was there for me.
Everything went well in the surgery room and we will never forget the moment the doctor pulled you crying out of your mother’s belly. Eliane instantly burst into an emotional cry and I took you in my arms for the first time, staring deeply into your eyes, memorizing every feature of your little face. I remember saying “I am your father and I will always be with you”.
The 3 days at the birthing center were really extenuating. We had very little sleep and I think I lost about 5 kg. But I knew I had to do what I had to do, especially because your mother was very incapacitated by the procedure. If the situation calls, a person can easily go on 36 hours awake and get a lot of rest from a 30 minute nap.
Every time the nurses took you for exams, I went together and never took my eyes away from you.
During the third examination round, I kept admiring you and thinking: “that little package of love in front of me, on the other side of the glass, is the most important thing in my world, and the only person among 7.5 billion I couldn’t live without anymore”. That’s when I burst uncontrollably into tears. I couldn’t stop when we got back in the bedroom; your mother was even worried something might have happened, because I never cry. Well, I cried in there, I hugged your mother and kept mumbling you were so beautiful and special.
After that I dried my tears and went back on doing whatever necessary to ensure you and your mother have a good life.
Love,
Dad
Aspergers Dad 