My dear daughter,
When you are a child, the years extend forever. I remember it was like a 100 years passed before I turned 10.
During my teens, I perceived time passing faster, but each year was very remarkable and had its own flavor. Like each year was its own era. The first half of my teens were very, very difficult. It got better during the second half.
During my 20s, I felt I was gonna live forever and could waste time indefinitely. Cultivating friendships I should have dismissed right out, replaying every game I had ever played and playing every game I couldn’t play in the previous decade. Chasing after women. Studying and working with stuff I actually hated.
My 30s were a real revolution in my life. I had just been diagnosed with OCD and Autism and learned a great deal about myself. Started public service and actually earned enough to buy a house and get married. Started reading stuff I always wanted to and actually enjoyed. Even got back to school – I’m a Math grad student now. Established the basis of my “intellectual” formation, so to speak. Decided what I really wanted in life.
I gained quite some weight, but it seems I just have to lose it to have the same general appearance I had in my 20s. I plan on doing it as soon as I get back to practicing martial arts.
But it still feels like I’m going to live forever, even though I’m very much convinced, rationally, that it’s not the case and that I should value whatever time I still have with things that actually matter to me. Such as spending time with you.
Love,
Dad
PS: I am now in my 40s as I review this. What they say is true: there is a perceivable ageing phase during the early 40s. It comes with a certain amount of despair and the knowledge that youth won’t come back and my time is actually running out. At least I got back to practicing martial arts (I’m learning Kung Fu and really enjoying it) and finally started losing some weight.
Aspergers Dad 