My dear daughter,
What people commonly conceive as love is the action of the molecule oxytocin in the brain. It’s a hormone and a neurotransmitter produced by the brain. It has several functions actually: social bonding, sexual attraction, contractions inducement during childbirth, nipple stimulation to help breastfeeding, mother and baby bonding, milk production and others.
Romantic love became overrated at the end of the middle ages, as the bourgeois began to question nobility institutions such as arranged marriages. There was an explosion of romantic love in literature.
It also serves christian institutions like monogamous marriage. The couple falls in love, gets married with the blessings and permission of church and community so they can lie down together and have sex. All other types of sex are unsanctioned, immoral or even illegal. It helps trace lineage and maintain heritage within a family.
Anyway, oxytocin is all about favoring reproduction and increasing the chances of progeny survival. When your brain is flooded with oxytocin you have these wonderful experiences with your loved one and emotion is one of the best tools to build lasting and striking memories.
I never felt the effects of oxytocin as strong as when I was a teenager. If figures, your body is boiling with hormones, during the phase it is most fertile. Which is why you’ll never love again as you love when you are 17.
The thing is, its effects wear out in about 6 months. It’s obvious; in order to increase the chances of survival we would have to have as many offspring as possible, preferably with different partners, so there is a healthy and varied genetic pool, which decreases the risk of genetic diseases.
We don’t go out making babies with everybody for many reasons. There is no need to, our species is in no immediate risk of extinction due to a low number of individuals. We still live in a patriarchal and strict society, monogamous marriage is still the norm, outside of marriage children still suffer prejudice. And income concentration is on the rise, meaning few families in the world can afford having lots of children. Few countries uphold the welfare state. Even with the population getting older and birth rates decaying.
Why do couples stay together after oxytocin effects wear out, or after they conceive? Well, there is companionship. Mostly companionship. That would be my case. You can say it’s a kind of lasting love. You can still have tender feelings towards a companion you don’t feel the urge to have sex with every couple hours. Sometimes it’s a financial issue. Some people get used to each other. There are many reasons.
Since you were born I stopped regarding oxytocin as the source of all love. I can’t ignore science, but I do love you, deeply, spiritually, any way you want to call it. I never felt a love so pure and I want to spend the rest of my days close to you, watching you growing and building a life for you.
Love,
Dad
Aspergers Dad 